Rationalizing emotions - The importance of EQ.

I have heard the terms 'emotional intelligence' or 'EQ' being thrown around a lot, about the impact it can have on one’s personal and professional life. I have been told that I have a high EQ and despite knowing the textbook definition, I wanted to learn more and truly realize the significance of why people say that:

IQ Gets You Hired but EQ Gets You Promoted

The relevance and importance behind these terms were revealed to me during a short course that I took named ‘Emotional Intelligence in practice’. This was undertaken as a requirement for my curriculum.

Starting off, the definition, Emotional intelligence is described as the ability to recognize, understand and manage your own emotions as well as being able to understand and influence the emotions of others.

It sounds easy but mastering the art of EQ isn’t. Growing up, I was told to not let my emotions show, conceal don’t feel, if you will. Particularly being a female, I was automatically seen as more fragile, easily influenced and overall more 'emotional'.

But as I got older, I realized that people are social creatures, we are not meant to live in isolation Relationships management is the cornerstone of sustainable success in all aspects of life. Humans can achieve incredible things by working with one other and therefore our ability to understand each other is what allows us to better communicate.

In a business setting, I personally felt that managers who are well-tuned with their emotions, keep calm in stressful situations but are understanding towards others' plight, generally are easier to talk to, and resolve conflicts quickly. By being emotionally intelligent, they are able to level the playing field and achieve feats that just having a high IQ won't resolve.

I want to be able to develop those skills too.

Personally, throughout the course, the definition of EQ changed for me, it wasn't a single line sentence but 5 core traits that I need to acquire to be more emotionally intelligent:

• Self-Aware: the ability to both recognize and understand myself, my behaviors, and emotions. This will help me not feel offended with criticism, but rather take it as a learning experience.
  

• Self-Manage and Self-Regulate: the ability to be in control of my emotions, and therefore the responses. This is key for me to be able to be in charge of situations that make me uncomfortable rather than my emotions getting the best of me.
  

• Self-Motivated: the ability to encompass my internal resources to be driven; perform, act, and work towards my goals. This will ensure that I attain self-motivation, and pursue personal goals for reasons of self-development and self-gratification, rather than money, titles, external praise, or esteem.
  

• Empathic: the ability to understand and ‘feel for’ others, understand their emotion, and therefore relate to them more effectively. Unlike sympathy, being empathetic will let me share the emotional experience another person is having thus being able to genuinely understand and respond to the needs of others.
  

• Relational: the desire to build and maintain relationships, network, lead, manage conflict and work with others. This is vital for me to be able to create deep bonds and genuine, non-competitive friendships in my professional and personal life.

How I plan to improve my emotional intelligence?

According to Ramona Hacker, everyone can improve their emotional intelligence and it starts with me. It's a personal journey that I need to take to be able to connect better with myself and others. How can I do that?

I need to pause and rationalize before speaking, acting or responding. This allows for initial impulses to fade, and for undistorted reflection and reasoning to occur, I will be able to use logic to process the situation rather than blindly acting.

I need to actively listen to others. Really focusing on listening will allow me to better understand the needs and emotions of others. Listening takes the focus off my own needs and shifts it to those of the people around me, enabling better solutions to arise that benefit more people.

I need to reflect on criticism and search for ways to grow from it. Criticism can sometimes be hurtful, but it can always be helpful, as it exposes us to outside perspectives regardless of truth or not. In the face of criticism particularly during work, I have to ask myself: How can I improve and grow from this?

Final takeaway:

Personally, if you ask me “what is emotional intelligence?”, I will tell you that it’s simply the belief that personal growth can be reached every single minute of every single day. The personal growth that comes with emotional intelligence does not only change individuals for the better and improve their self-esteem. It also changes those around them in a way where positivity becomes contagious. And I believe that it starts with me, to accept my own emotions and others' as well.